Written by Clara Godwin-Suttie 

I’m considering drawing up an Ouija board or a pentagram for Halloween to see if I can summon up the best spooky characters. Sure, watching people trot around in zombie costumes is fun, but I’m ready to bring the tricks and create some havoc with the best, most chaotic, and iconic characters. 

#13 Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Ghostbusters

Apparently, Ghostbusters had some of the most expensive special effects available. Yes, they look awful. I know the film was never supposed to be scary, but the junky CGI is somewhat distracting from this otherwise iconic movie. If we’re looking for a moment when the absolute lack of terror really comes across, though, it must be in the climax where Stay Puft Marshmallow Man comes for the Ghostbusters. He’s just quite cute… I suppose that’s the point! So, if you’re looking for a creature from a horror film to hang out with, cuddle up to and possibly nibble a bit, Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is your guy. 

Things to include in the pentagram: two proton packs, streams crossed, and a marshmallow. 

#12 Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

Beeeeee-cause he’s such a dangerously unstable individual, I couldn’t put him too high on this list. Nevertheless, Beetlejuice is the kind of perverted being that, given the opportunity, I’d love to create havoc with. Perhaps we can find Winona Rider and Catherine O’Hara and go dancing; maybe we could tempt and trap other unfortunate souls… to be real, I don’t think forward planning is Beetlejuice’s forte. My point is if you’re in the mood to cause a little ruckus, and Halloween certainly brings out that side of many people, Beetlejuice is your guy.

Things to include in the pentagram: a camera, a stripy suit, and a maggot. 

#11 Lurch, The Addams Family

I’m going to be honest with you: a lot of my Halloween heroes are from the Addams family. I’m watching the 1960s series on Amazon at the moment and loving every (demented) moment of it. But there’s one character who, I believe, needs a little more love, and it’s not Cousin Itt. He’s getting plenty. It’s Lurch. The man who defined ‘silent giant,’ this Frankenstein-monster-eque creature, looms large (literally) over the family but treats them with such kindness and adoration. We might expect a butler to be chipper and smarmy, but what you really want from your household assistance is discretion. Lurch has no problem with that and enthusiastically goes beyond his regular duties. This includes playing the piano beautifully and moving with the family when they’re temporarily relocated to a bed and breakfast. Lurch is one of the few people on the list who I’d hug because it would be immensely comforting, and I’d probably emerge with nothing worse than a few spiders on me.

Things to include in the pentagram: a huge pair of shoes, an organ, and Wednesday Addams.

#10 Emily, Corpse Bride

If Halloween came in human form, it would probably be Helana Bonham Carter. From terrifying us all in Harry Potter to becoming the eerie and tragic eponymous Corpse Bride, I think it’s likely that Bonham Carter appears in early September, drags a man to the underworld, and then melts away in mid-December. The Corpse bride is her best showing, though. The collaboration between Bonham Carter’s former husband, Tim Burton, with his beautiful stop motion film and Bonham Carter’s incredible talent, make this (in my opinion) one of the best Halloween films ever made. Funny, moving, and creepy: Emily has it all.

Things to include in the pentagram: a wedding ring, a goblet, and a candle.

#9 Jack Skellington, The Nightmare Before Christmas

Oh, Jack. Haphazard, romantic, prone to misunderstanding – what more could you want from a guy? Ok, ok, this isn’t my lonely-hearts profile! Jack originated in a poem but became much more well-known in Tim Burton’s adaptation of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Now, he makes a great Halloween costume, is “couple goals” with his love Sally, and we still don’t know if he’s a character in a Christmas movie or a Halloween one!

Things to include in the pentagram: a Sandy Claws hat, Sally, and a pumpkin.

#8 Sabrina Spellman, Sabrina the Teenage Witch

If you speak to any millennial, they’ll enthusiastically tell you how much they loved Sabrina. The whole premise of the show was “general loopiness” and drew comparisons to Bewitched, but everyone loved Sabrina the best. Well… or her iconic bisexual cat, Salem. I’ve never tried to take over the world and been sentenced to 100 years in the body of a talking cat, but if I did, I’d hang out with Sabrina Spellman.

Things to include in the pentagram: a choker, a black cat, and a broomstick.

#7 The Babadook, The Babadook

Anyone aware of The Hayes Code will know that frequently, gay icons have to be villains. So, back in 2016, when Netflix accidentally classified The Babadook as an LGBT+ film, everyone was pretty used to seeing queer characters vilified and took it and ran. I’ll be honest: I’ve never actually seen the movie. I prefer funny and spooky films over actual horror. But the Babadook has earned his place on this list for turning up at every single pride event in the past six years, and I can think of no person I’d rather stand next to me, waving a rainbow flag and putting the shits up some homophobes.

Things to include in the pentagram: a DVD, a rainbow flag, and a drag queen.

#6 Dr. Frank-n-Furter, The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Were you shivering in antici… pation, waiting for this entry? Look, most of the people (or beings) on this list are on the high end of camp, and Dr. Frank-n-Furter is no exception. Part science fiction, part lousy horror movie, part musical, The Rocky Horror Picture Show is arguably the most iconic Halloween film ever made, and Tim Curry’s Dr. Frank-n-Furter turns every head. Highly intelligent and utterly perverted, this alien came to Earth for a good time and to do, um, science experiments. When he’s done, he’s back off to his home planet. I just think that if I had the opportunity to, I’d take him clubbing in Berlin on Halloween. I don’t know if I’d survive the experience, but perhaps, for one night, I could be his Rocky.

Things to include in the pentagram: red lipstick, a space shuttle, and a whip.

#5 Morticia Addams, The Addams Family

Was there ever a love story quite like Gomez and Morticia’s? I must confess that I identify quite closely with Gomez: for me, this loving, supportive witch who’d like to spend more time seeking out the forces of evil and joining them on their hellish crusade is a total babe. Poised, elegant, regal, an incredible mother to Wednesday, Pugsley, and Pubert, this woman inspires us all.

Things to put in the pentagram: a rose, a singing vulture, and Gomez Addams.

#4 Elaine Parks, The Love Witch

If you’re a fan of campy 1970s horror films, The Love Witch is essential viewing. It was released in 2016 but had the makeup, lighting, and vibe of fifty years prior… even though it features an iPhone! Elaine herself has a Lana Del Ray-esque vibe, sensual and sultry, and intensely magnetic, even if she has killed multiple men. Elaine might be bad news, but she’s so magnetic that I’d like to meet her, even though I know it wouldn’t end well. Sometimes, you’ve got to die doing what you love: worshipping witches.

Things to put in the pentagram: a used tampon, an iPhone, and some house keys.

#3 Crawley, Good Omens

He’s a demon. He didn’t fall; he just sauntered vaguely downwards and, when relocated to Earth upon its creation, found that he had a talent for holding together Bentleys, terrifying houseplants, and forming an incredibly tender romance with his arch enemy, Aziraphale, the angel. I’m sure there’s a fan fiction crossover where the two go on a couples’ getaway with Gomez and Morticia. He might not be heroic in the traditional sense, but he did help to thwart the four bikers of the apocalypse and ultimately prevent Armageddon. Personally, I’m very excited to see what he gets up to afterward.

Things to put in the pentagram: a Bentley, the Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, and a pair of sunglasses.

#2 Laslo, What We Do in the Shadows

Another deep romantic and as mad as a wax banana. Laslo is my sweet cheese, my rotten soldier, my good-time boy. The most perverted vampire in the world, Laslo is a devoted lover to his wife, Nadja; star of several truly awful pornographic films; and slightly attentive adoptive father to the creature who crawled out of Colin Robinson’s chest cavity. When he’s not making music, transforming into a bat, or being utterly dramatic, he’s charming people by murdering dozens of raccoons and leaving them on doorsteps. One might assume he’s a little misguided, but we know Laslo would be the best vampire to get into shenanigans with. Just remember not to touch his hat! Nadja’s right: it is made from a cursed witch’s anus.

Things to put in the pentagram: a butt plug, a vial of virgin blood, and a harpsichord.

#1 Wednesday Addams, The Addams Family

I instantly knew who deserved the top spot on this list. I just wasn’t sure how many members of the Addams family would feature alongside her. My enthusiasm for Wednesday is matched by her dour, deadpan humor, and hilariously macabre nature. From her appearances in the comics, the 1960s series, the 1990s films, the musical and now her upcoming spinoff, Wednesday never stops stealing the show and winning all of our hearts. Sure, she might sacrifice us, but it’s worth it for such a perfect little horror.

Things to put in the pentagram: nothing. You could never summon Wednesday; she does as she likes.

 

xxx

If you see me out on Halloween with a collection of slightly odd-looking people, go the other way. I’m looking for the best Halloween pranks, and I’m very afraid that this genuinely bizarre collection of characters might well turn around and eat me.